Friday Night ‘Fro: The Strange Thing About The Johnsons ~ nappyafro.com

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I Don't Know

I am 35 and still learning. When I was a child, I had experiences that would be labeled abuse. We will keep it at that for now. My only recourse was trying to find ways to fit in and be rewarded (loved).

Life experiences cause us to develop habits that are good and bad.One of the bad habits I developed as a child and brought into adulthood;
Wanting to be loved and accepted by everyone I came into contact with. That is a horrible habit.

It will cause you to second guess yourself constantly.It will cause you to go against your own judgment, morals, principles, and so on.It will cause you to make a fool of yourself for the sake of a kind word or a little attention.It will cause you to force things that don't fit.It will cause you to be your own worst enemy.

At 35, I have come a long way. At least I know what the issue is and where it stems from. I am dealing with it and overcoming it every day, it is only making me a better person. I can't please everyone, and everyone can't please me.

I have to be true to myself, in order to be true to you.I bow out of the rat race.I am 35 and I'm still learning.

Heaven

Imagine meeting me for the first time, without seeing me. All you hear is my voice.All you feel is genuine.There is nothing to taint your view of me.I have an opportunity to be who I am without you trying to match my physical with my material.You cannot dismiss me for what I don't have because all there is is voice. Beautiful melodies of conversations between you and me.

What does the word voice mean?

Voice:

• the distinctive quality or pitch or condition of a person's speech
To me, this means, my voice is my own. When you open your mouth to speak, your pitch reflects who you are. Your condition will be known, because the voice of your condition is distinctive to you. No one can duplicate it. They can mimic, mock, and only wonder.

• articulation: expressing in coherent verbal form
To me this means, my voice must be trained, learned, and tried. I must do my best to make sure it is prepared at all times to come forth and speak; who I am, who I was, and who I will be.

• a means or agency by which something is expressed or communicated
To me this means, my voice is a vehicle that I must use soberly and steer with diligence.

• something suggestive of speech in being a medium of expression
To me this means, my voice is a part of who I am, that allows me to connect with who you are. When I use my voice, you will never be able to say, you did not hear me, know me, see me.

• spokesperson: an advocate who represents someone else's policy or purpose
To me this means, I may loan you my voice. When your voice may be weak, my voice will go in your stead. I can form an alliance with you and intertwine my voice with one or many. We will be able to speak a thunderous presentation, that must be heard.

• 
  
• give voice to
To me this means, my voice breathes life. I can direct it to water what I fancy or crave. It also means I can breathe death. I have a choice to make. What power that must be, what power it is. The power to speak peace. The power to speak strength, love and understanding. Some, rejoice in the power to speak death.
• the ability to speak
To me this means, my voice is a gift. It is not something to take for granted. The word ability speaks to me that the opposite exists, meaning there are those with the inability to speak. How dare I not. How dare I not.

I charge you to use your voice wisely, because you never know who is listening.

When I judge you

When I judge you, It's because I fear that if I don't it will be noticed among the crowd. I fear that the sympathy I may hold for you, will make the crowd think that I am just like you. In actuality I am.
Mecca

I found out that a friend from high school passed away a few months ago. If you were to hold my life up to hers you would put me on a pedestal and shake your head at her. Only because on the surface she lived her life and pain out loud and I lived mine as quietly as possible.

She experienced pains that were horrific and she did not let it Get In The Way of her laugh and her smile. Which was out of this world. I went to visit her in 2004, I had not seen her since 1990. I could tell she did not have much time on top of this earth. She laid in the bed and told stories only the way she could tell. You would listen to her, knowing she is lying but you just didn't want her to stop talking.

Now I understand why she was loud, she wanted to feel, she wanted to know she existed. Does that makes sense. The pain was drowning her and she acted out because she didn't want us to forget she was in the room. We all do it in different ways. I would and sometimes still do, try and please and pleasure everyone that would let me and force my sunshine on those who wanted no part of it. The praise I got in return made me feel in the midst of the drowning that was really going on.

There was no strife or jealousy in her voice and she had every right. We were the same people and had experienced the same pains but here we were going different ways.

I wanted to do something for her but all she wanted from me was shrimp fried rice and chicken from the Chinese restaurant. No money, no favors, no promises.

Looking at her, I realized it could have been me in that bed. How many times I looked at her in the past and so many others and thought to myself "I'm not as bad as him/her.

Catch yourself when you judge someone. Think about the judgment you are passing on them and think about yourself. What is about you or what have you done in this universe that gives you that power. Or what is about you that is reminding you of the person or action you are judging.

I have been in the company of people who claim to be Christians and they no longer speak to me because of judgments they passed. Here was this woman who has had life of hell and she welcomed me with open arms. She didn't bring up the time I threatened to beat her up because she made me miss the New Edition concert in High School. She didn't bring up the times that I talked about her horribly cause I was trying to fit in with others in hopes to not have my pain exposed too.

She didn't judge me.

Rest In Peace Africa

What I Want To Be When I Grow Up

What I Want To Be When I Grow Up

There are 4 major fields that interest me.

I. Psychology/Sociology

II. Natural Hair Cair/ Putting the best you forward

III. Cooking/Entertaining/Putting a smile on someone's face

IV. Protecting society/shielding children from danger/Putting away criminals/Reform

Some people know exactly what they want out of life, and how to go about making that happen. My earliest memory of what I saw for my future, was always law. I wanted to be a lawyer. My stint on my junior high's debate team, had me on cloud 9. Coming to the aid of others, is a natural response for me.

Life did not allow me to press forward and follow that dream, along the way I have discovered new passions that I hold just as dear.

How do I pick, these are not hobbies I am talking about. These are life long career decisions I am trying to make. I already realize that I can cook and entertain in my spare time. I do that now and I love it.

How do I fit in catching bad guys and loving up on abused, abandoned children, and helping women of color realize that beauty is best in it's natural state when it comes to their hair. I'm open for suggestions.

My purpose statement:

Is to Forgive, Reclaim and Restore

My core value:

Justice for all

I gathered this from a book I read called "The Path" Creating Your Mission Statement for Work and for Life by Laurie Beth Jones

Why you should buy your daughter a vibrator for her sixteenth b-day

Why you should buy your daughter a vibrator for her sixteenth b-day

I know some may be appalled by the title, but I have been giving this much thought. This is not for the women who have daughters and are open with their daughters and have an open door policy to talk about anything. This is not for the women who realize they brought their daughters into the world, therefore it is her responsibility to guide, lead and help her child along life's journey.

This is for the women who will be honest with themselves and think back to when, when they were 16 and what was really going on in their hearts and bodies.

I was told by mother to stay sweet for my sweet sixteen. That was it, her expectation for me and my body went no further in her mind and our conversation than my 16Th birthday. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she had me at 15. Maybe in some twisted way she thought if I made it pass 15 and was still a virgin I would be safe, and she would have accomplished whatever it is she felt her duty was to me.

It was not hard for me to hold up to my end of the bargain. I took pride in being a virgin, I saw the difference in how I was treated and how girls who were giving in to peer pressure and low self esteem were treated. I could walk in any room with my head held high. I didn't have the best clothes, hair or anything you can place in the blank, but I had my virginity.

After my 16Th birthday I was approached by a boy in the neighborhood who had been working on me for months. My mother wasn't there for me to go to, mentally or physically. I could have picked up the phone and called her but it never happens like that. I was doing great in school, I had hopes and dreams of becoming a lawyer. But by the time the smooth talker put his trap into high gear I had began to give up. I was 16 now. There was no one there telling me how important it was to hold on to my purity. What a priceless gift it was to give.

Without getting into the good, bad and the ugly, if no one was there to tell me how important my virginity was, the conversation of my future, goals and aspirations were little to none. I had outsiders cheering for me, but we know it's futile when you are getting the opposite from your home team.

How many ladies out there are willing to admit, once we give in that first time, we spend a good majority of our life trying to get it right, and experience what it was we were suppose to get that first time.

I have a wonderful man in my life, and I get complimented on how great he is often. I don't let it go to my head and I definitely don't forget where I came from. "I kissed a lot of nasty frogs to get my prince".

What if my mother had been there for me and instead of just saying "don't bring no babies home", explained the whys and why not's. Now that I am an adult I understand that adults believe if you see them struggling and going thru because of their choices, you will make different choices. It just does not work that way. Generational cycles are very real.

If my mother would have bought me a vibrator for my 16Th birthday and sat me down and told me about the power that my body really holds and the life you lead once you start handing that power over recklessly, wow. What or where could I be right now. If we look back at the majority of the issues and things that went wrong in life as women, I bet you can tie sex in the issue no matter what it is.

I don't have a daughter, but when I'm blessed with one, I'm not going to worry about planning for some dumb party that will come and go, I'm going to be busy arming her with freedom and knowledge of who she is and who she could be.